The Colbert Report/Episode/574
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert needs The Heroes energy ** he didn't sleep a wink last night *** he kept thinking of a great American who will be sleeping eternally * the fly killed by Obama ** abuse of executive power * Murder In The White House! ** he now has 235 grandchildren * PETA condemened the crack down ** the rest of the media are silent? * Stephen is not alone ** Jeff Goldblum joined him to speak for flies * been around for 65 million years ** they have something to teach us * all they want is to be loved and feed on our waste * Goldblum demands ** apologize for killing that fly ** David Letterman's joke about Sarah Palin SEGMENT2 * Threat Down * flies are the only thing 5 Gitmo detainees 4 Bermuda Palau * relaxes of evil ** released to Bermuda under a technicality *** they were innocent 3 Tropical Uigers * threaten Stephen's vacation 2 Gay animals * dolphins are either gay or they've started summer camps ** homosexuanimals * takes cues for his behavior from animals; when courting a lady, he presents his swollen rear * power of the Lord ** hump a scuba diver like Jesus said * guest edited Newsweek magazine 1 Donald H. Crosby of Springfield, * asked * Stephen is his biggest fan and all "Donald Crosbys" ** DonaldCrosbyBoobsBoobsBoobs.com * "I (heart) Donald H. Crosby" is shaved into Stephens hair and he's not going to show where SEGMENT3 * Obama unveiled a plan to eliminate risky investing * Bears & Balls * Swindling Indians? * swindling immigrants? * Tobacco! * outlaw flavored cigarettes * is tobacco still a good investment? ** cough ** light 'em up! * meth-covered cigarettes? * chocolate-covered meth cigarettes? * video games! * is it time to invest in Microsoft? ** crash sound ** will need to reboot ** (scream) Yes! * Not Project Natale(sp) ** ex-X-Box *** it's only $500, comes with a free set of clothes only smart people can see * (scream) real estate * New York graveyard * should you get in on this new investment ** ghostly laugh ** ghostly "boos" ** yes! * We'll be right bees! Interview * Paul Muldoon ** book: "Poems 1968 To 1998" ** Pulitzer-prize winner poet, big deal Stephen has a black belt in haiku! * poetry isn't the best paying profession * he teaches poetry also * the parents of poetry majors get angry with him * why do we need poetry? ** Hallmark covers everything: *** love, sorrow, bar mitzvahs, to a special nephew * metaphors are traps and lies ** you cannot get away from them * poetry helps us make sense of our lives * poets can't make sense of their own lives * read poetry at the White House ** Obamas had a poetry slam * Can Obama popularize poetry? ** indication sense of how significant it is to our lives * get more on television Tea * Dr. Colbert ordered The Heroes to make Muldoon's poem "Tea" the number one poem in America Epilogue * Dr. Colbert gives special thanks to Jeff Goldblum on "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" ** and gave The Heroes a preview Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments